Two Guys One Chat

July 24, 2009 at 9:10 pm | Posted in me | 1 Comment

Right, this is a slightly edited chat between me and … someone who you will know if you know him during the afternoon.  Beware, puns abound.  None of it was particularly set up, but I did mention that I might be posting this, so we let ourselves go.  Not suitable for everyone.  Anyone.  Everyone. Anyone.  Same thing, it was fun for me at least.  The boring bits were edited out.

FINAL aSDKFJSLKF WARNING – if you don’t like random **** don’t read on =P

{START}

4:08 PM [Anonymous] : whatsup
nothin much?
cool
how was your day?
mine was fine
i’m still working
holding out in a storeroom
with an axe
pretending to be a pyro
then someone comes in
and you’re running around with a welders mask and an axe
whats the first thing on your mind?
(me) : ahaha
[Anonymous] : INVENTORY INSPECTION
(me) : I’ve nearly finished my quest for the day
[Anonymous] : quest?
whut quest?
teaching quest?
gain math exp?
where exp = 2.7827182917418374?
4:10 PM (me) : quest given by boss
to write an emioaw
[Anonymous] : well tha miao better not have neko ears
(me) : nope, no nekomimi
[Anonymous] : Mmmmmmmmm…cats
4:11 PM Unfortunately i’m allergic to cats
i’d like to own one though
*pwn one
CAT GIBS
WAAAAHAHAHHAHA
GIBSSSSSSSS
(me) : I’m not sure how to respond appropriately to this
4:12 PM [Anonymous] : feline entrails EVERYWHERE
and most importantly
SPLEENS
CAT SPLEEN
Mmmmmmm spleen
sorry work stress is getting on my nervous system
(me) : anything else you’d like to add?
[Anonymous] : i’m having a 404 here
(me) : my condolences

[Anonymous] : anyone else for Sunday, or is it just a happy couple of you and me?
(me) : ~6 people
[Anonymous] : wo
any girls?
(me) : bookfair > JS > (dinner)?
no girls.
[Anonymous] : doooooooooorghhhh
probably not JS
4:14 PM (me) : no?
[Anonymous] : i wana spend more time at Bookfair
plus staying at a more people concentrated place will increase my chances of running into a mate/H1N1/girl/book i want
(me) : hehehe
evil child.
I sense the rage in you
[Anonymous] : can i bring ax
AX IS FRIEND
4:19 PM COME MEET AX
AX LIKES GIBS
GIVE GIBS TO AX

4:21 PM [Anonymous] : BTW Starcraft 2 is being banned in China’s next game fair 2009
something about it being to violent
(me) : ….
btw prepare for Halo anime.
[Anonymous] : and altering the physical and mental state of adolescents
4:22 PM (me) : pfft
4:23 PM [Anonymous] : I feel the urge to get a girlfriend
then again, i have more important things to do
(me) : first, find a stable job

4:33 PM [Anonymous] : then, invest in triple A stocks
4:34 PM (me) : really
I was going to say, fix your image
do some proper consistent exercise to get a nice healthy tan
badminton is not exercise
[Anonymous] : working on a quarry guarantees tan
4:36 PM my hands are visually darker than when I left UK
almost every time theres a blast i’ve been standing outside (1-3pm) baking in the sun
4:39 PM then being baked my a PENTOLITE BOOSTER DYNAMITES
OR SOME EMULEX OR TITAN BULK 70/30 DOPED EXPLOSIVES
i actually know how much explosives cost now
4:41 PM (me) : the issue would be obtaining them?
[Anonymous] : yes
4:42 PM technically explosives are cheap beacuse easily made
more expensive things would be the most important part of the bomb: the detonator
(me) : mm
4:43 PM [Anonymous] : if you’re interested, i can’t get you some
we couldn’t blow up stuff together!
think of the things we couldn’t do
like robbing banks
or picking up chicks
WONT THAT BE A BLAST?
(me) : I’m not particularly interested in-
4:44 PM oh **** you =P
-100% bonus for bad pun
[Anonymous] : I’m sure we’ll get a BANG out of our BUCK
(me) : you might want to be careful about the amounts needed to pick up chicks
if you use too much they might die from the fall
4:45 PM [Anonymous] : just use the most famous pick up line: “Hey,does this smell like chloroform to you?”

[Anonymous] : Or “If you went camping and one night you awoke and found a used condom in your pants, would you tell anyone?”
4:47 PM if the response is “No”, the follow up would be “Wanna go camping?”

(actual serious talk about inventory systems skipped)

4:59 PM [Anonymous] : btw would you like an excavator?
it only costs 1.6million HKD
5:00 PM (me) : wow
thats pretty cheap
but I could get a porsche 911 for that price
or TWO nissan GTRs
[Anonymous] : but an excavator is more practical
you can move earth and make an artificial moat
5:01 PM can you make a moat with TWO nissan GTRs?
(me) : two GTRs will take me to work faster than an excavator
[Anonymous] : Extractor will DO THE WORK FOR YOU
XD
(me) : You have a point there.
but you can’t pick up chicks with an excavator.
[Anonymous] : on the contrary…
5:02 PM (me) : oh, you can >.>
[Anonymous] : an Excavator can lift an average of 10 tonnes
i’m not actually sure, because i don’t know the specs
(me) : I saw that coming from 2 lines away.
[Anonymous] : but its quite a lot
thats equivalent to about 2 British chicks
or 1 American Chick
or 10000 Asian chicks
(me) : wow, thats…thats…
OVER 9000
5:03 PM [Anonymous] : WHAT 9000?!
(me) : yeah, its OVER NINE THOUSAND
5:04 PM [Anonymous] : With an excavator you can construct additional pylons
(me) : why do I need additional pylons
[Anonymous] : Because you must construct additional pylons
(me) : I don’t need additional pylons
I’m not even protoss

{END}

It should be obvious by now why this isn’t everyone’s tastes, for the same reason why 2 girls 1 cup isn’t either.  Anyway, pop over to http://nanosheep.wordpress.com if you’re interested in Team Fortress 2 community stuff, otherwise have a good weekend.  BOOK FAAAIR.

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1 Comment »

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  1. lol, how interesting…

    The moment I read to the gibs, quarry and demolitions bits, I know who Anonymous is…


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